hmmm...

I can't even confirm it, but it sure does sound like me that no one knows.

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are aloof, mysterious, and distant. People feel like they really don't know the true you... Yet they're still drawn to you, almost by magnetic force. Underneath it all, you don't even really feel like you know yourself. It's easier to put on a front than really think about your life's purpose. You tend to seem pretentious, but it's just a mechanism you use to push people away.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

g33k p0st : PWND U! whose your daddy, biatch?!

After two days of sweating under the bright lights, going all trauma center, a good number of beeps, a serious number of hangings, and a multitude restart fest, I managed to fix the sound card of Alphonse, my old PC.

WHOSE YOUR DADDY, BIATCH?

It was my second time tinkering Alphonse for hardware kinks, one was the sudden beeping of the ram (loose card), and this one, an actual operation (goes into massive panic attacks and at the same time a giddy, excited feeling) of replacing the sound card.

As boring as it sounds, it was fascinating. It was like brain surgery and you may cause it's death by unplugging the wrong wires and circuit, one wrong move and it's a goner. A vegetable.

Anyway, I bought a cheap-ass PCI sound card for around 550 php. I got home unscrewed the casing and looked inside.

Dust bunnies were running everywhere, the wires were all a jumbled mess, and I have found my soundcard. A really old, circa 1994 creative sound blaster that didn't have the specific driver that was detected by Win2k or XP, I left that in took the new sound card out of its plastic covering and obviously there was a difference.

my old SC (sound card) was (as I found out earlier this morning) an ISA card. It has two large cartridge teeth, while the new one is a PCI, which is the same card type as a usual LAN card.

So, I plugged it in one of the available slots, booted up and saw it detect the new hardware installed the drivers and a restart was needed.

The party starts here. No sound. Changed the settings to use the new SC, it goes into a hang fest. Tried taking the old SC out, still on a hang fest, Now it just starts up and hangs when the audio control starts up in the system tray. A million of reboots later and a bunch of tinkering in BIOS and Safe Mode, to no avail. New drivers? No effect. Here's what gotten my attention.

When in safe mode, remove the old drivers, ALL the old drivers, be it some random codecs, get it out.

then i added my own shit to the mix, uninstall everything and swapped places with another PCI slot and tried again.

this time I installed it on an OS with a non-existing sound device registered.

I clicked yes to reboot and the familiar windows closing theme sounded at last!

I screwed everything back on and tested it once again after the reboot. And there was music, sweet music!

I love my geeky self. HAHAHAHHA. OWND YOU!. PWND! i r0xx0rs. w00t.

Okay, now I stop being a geek.

HK : After a decade in HK island. (day 3) [x]

we all had a late start, headed over the East TST for flight confirmation, went to Wing On department store to browse,walked over from Mody drive to look for just...well nothing special, but the baby g's caught my eye. I never thought I'd get a new watch here. (but more of that later). My dad, sister and I also bought bread from a nearby bake shop (Pork bun, slice of cake, coconut bread with cream + 2 sugarcane juice).


Anyway. after the confirmation, we took the MTR line to Fotress Hill (near North point) for lunch. Why we went there,I don't really know, so Here was the route (easy enough to remember as it is)

Go down TsimShaTsui MTR -> Get off at Admirality -> Transit over to MTR HK line and drop off wherever you wish.


I absolutely LOVE the train system. It pwns owning a car. They also have the neat octopus card you can use for eating, commuting and even wiping your ass off (right). I was craving for an authentic HK dimsum. but my dreams were thwarted once again and guess where we ended up...

OMGz YOSHINOYA of all places. I had to wryly wonder of all the irony I had for today. So out of curiousity I ordered the usual beef gyudon meal.


they had a beef/chicken combo as well what was different from the menu is the grilled fish, no tempura, they have a student meal *which you can only avail if you have a complete student uniform on or a student ID, and classier furniture than Yoshinoya Manila.

The gyudon was leaner, the candied ginger was free and is not the usual pink color, the chicken bowl had a side of vegetables that include brocolli, cauliflower, string beans and carrots and the gyudon/chicken bowls all come with either A) Miso soup b) Japanese Tea c) softdrink/juice ranging from HK$23-33.

After that we walked at fortress hill to find a watch store on sale and this is where i found a little beauty. It was a pretty, white addidas watch with accent of what is becoming my favorite color (green). it was a sleek and classic design. plus it had a 10% off. from HK$245 -> HK$220 (PHP1300).

they had a stopover at wellcome to buy random stuff.

then we took the tram to causeway bay, looked around for various internet shops to book for disneyland online, asked the MTR causeway bay station if they sell tickets and went to the 12 floor mall called SOGO.



I ended up buying clothes for my DS LITE. Hence, here is my dark blue ds lite sock.
After that an MTR ride home and here we are back at the hotel waiting for our cousin to come over. charging my laptop for use to book tickets online. :D

things I have done and *wanted to do*

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink.
02. Swam with wild dolphins. *
03. Climbed a mountain. *
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive. *
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid. *
06. Held a tarantula. *
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone.
08. Said I love you and meant it. *
09. Hugged a tree. *
10. Done a striptease.
11. Bungee jumped.*
12. Visited Paris. *
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea. *
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise.
15. Seen the Northern Lights.*
16. Gone to a huge sports game.
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. *
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables.
19. Touched an iceberg.*
20. Slept under the stars. *
21. Changed a babys diaper.
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon. *
23. Watched a meteor shower.*
24. Gotten drunk on champagne. (does beer count? because I'm cheap)
25. Given more than you can afford to charity.
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope.*
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment. nothing is more worse than giggling in a funeral
28. Had a food fight. *
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when youre not ill.
31. Asked out a stranger. he was a stranger before
32. Had a snowball fight. *
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier. *
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can.
35. Held a lamb. *
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy.
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip. *
38. Taken an ice cold bath.
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar. *
40. Seen a total eclipse. *
41. Ridden a roller coaster.
42. Hit a home run. *
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days.
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking.
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day.
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. Fujian, China
47. Actually felt happy about your life
48. Had two hard drives for your computer.
49. Visited all 50 states. *
50. Loved your job for all accounts. the key phrase is loveD
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced.
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied. ****
53. Had amazing friends.
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country. *
55. Watched wild whales. **
56. Stolen a sign.
57. Backpacked in Europe. ***
58. Taken a road-trip.
59. Rock climbing.*
60. Lied to foreign governments official in that country to avoid notice.
61. Midnight walk on the beach. *
62. Sky diving *
63. Visited Ireland.*
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love.
65. In a restaurant, sat at a strangers table and had a meal with them.
66. Visited Japan.**
67. Benchpressed your own weight.
68. Milked a cow. *
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero. I wonder if The Little Mermaid counts?
71. Sung karaoke.
72. Lounged around in bed all day.
73. Posed nude in front of strangers.
74. Scuba diving. *
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye. I'm not particularly sure about this
76. Kissed in the rain.
77. Played in the mud. *
78. Played in the rain.
79. Gone to a drive-in theater.*
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it.
81. Visited the Great Wall of China.*
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog.
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better. Linux
84. Started a business. I do not consider web design as my business, but I guess it's my business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken.
86. Toured ancient sites. Fort Santiago, For San Pedro, Manila Cathedral, San Agustin
87. Taken a martial arts class. Aikido
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman.
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight. Diablo, Warcraft, Ragnarok, but not D&D
90. Gotten married.
91. Been in a movie. Just a TV special
92. Crashed a party.
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have.
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy.
95. Gotten divorced.
96. Had sex at the office.*
97. Gone without food for 5 days.
98. Made cookies from scratch.
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice.*
101. Gotten a tattoo. just a Henna
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on. satin and leather
103. Rafted the Snake River.*
104. Been on television news programs as an expert.
105. Got flowers for no reason. ** I wish someone would...
106. Masturbated in a public place.
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything.
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug.
109. Performed on stage.
110. Been to Las Vegas. *
111. Recorded music.
112. Eaten shark. I wonder if shark's fin count?
113. Had a one-night stand.
114. Gone to Thailand.*
115. Seen Siouxsie live.
116. Bought a house.****
117. Been in a combat situation.
118. Buried one/both of your parents.
120. Been on a cruise ship.*
121. Spoken more than one language fluently. English, Filipino and Min Nan
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone.
123. Bounced a check.
124. Performed in Rocky Horror.
125. Read - and understood - yoreport.
126. Raised children.
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy. Nintendo DS Lite should count, IMHO
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour.
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars.*
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country. *
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did.*
132. Called or written your Congress person.
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over.***********
134. More than once? - More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge.*
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking.
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did.
138. Had plastic surgery.
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication. **
141. Lost over 100 pounds. if I did, I'm dead
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback.
143. Piloted an airplane. *
144. Petted a stingray. *
145. Broken someone's heart.
146. Helped an animal give birth.
147. Been fired or laid off from a job.
148. Won money on a T.V. game show ***
149. Broken a bone.
150. Killed a human being.
151. Gone on an African photo safari.*
152. Ridden a motorcycle.
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph. **
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced. *
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol. *
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild.
157. Ridden a horse.
158. Had major surgery.
159. Had sex on a moving train.*
160. Had a snake as a pet. *
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.*
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing.
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours.
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states.*
165. Visited all 7 continents.******
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days.*
167. Eaten kangaroo meat.
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground.*
169. Been a sperm or egg donor.
170. Eaten sushi.
171. Had your picture in the newspaper.
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime.
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about.
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions.
175. Gone back to school. **
176. Parasailed. *
177. Changed your name.
178. Petted an ant cockroach.
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes.
180. Read The Iliad.
181. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read. *
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them.
183. Gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you.
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch. web design, the guitar
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt. maybe I will, I just hope he'll listen
187. Skipped all your school reunions.
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language.
189. Been elected to public office.
190. Written your own computer language. COMPILE days at the university
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream.
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care.
193. Built your own PC from parts. **
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you. **
195. Had a booth at a street fair.
196. Dyed your hair. I want it purple
197. Been a DJ.
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal.
199. Written your own role playing game.
200. Been arrested.
201. Had sex on the beach during a lightening storm.*
202. Been widowed.

[x] Relapse.

It's been a while.

Sometimes, the thoughts of you just come back. Darn you.

I came back from a Transactional Analysis Seminar. And the speaker told us, every memory, is inside of us, triggered by a certain stimulus. It was proven by using a mild electric shot through parts of the brain and transport the "victim" back to a place where it was so familiar yet so long ago.

I looked on a old schoolmate's y!m status to see that she had a band formed with a bunch of original tracks. I listened to a particularly popular one. All violins and guitars, a soft voice and *phoom*.

I was back in 2003 again. Top of the Burgundy Tower, looking at the world, the sky was gray, and the rain was falling.

And we were dancing. Around and around, our laughter echoing to the heavens, the sheer giddiness, the feeling of freedom.

The feeling of love.

If I had an emo song for our relationship, this would match perfectly. The lyrics were almost near accurate. The tears began to fall. And I was again in a mix of swimming emotions circling around me, bittersweet melancholy sadness and longing.

Here's a little snippet of the song's chorus. And if you knew what used to be who we were, you would know why this song held a both a pain and a pleasure in my heart.

Kaze's Rain
looking at the cloudy sky
and every darkened street hearing the thunder rolling
it reminds me of that day we danced in the rain
what am i supposed to do, without you by my side
watching the raindrops falling
reminds me painfully how we both used to love the rain

I don't know how to feel really. I know it's over. I guess this is the electric shock of that part of the brain.

Let's hope there are no more stimulants for a long, long time.

Untitled

I know I should post this on multislackers. But I didn't have the heart to do so. I didn't want to make everybody look bad just because I was really retarded on my job.

I have had issues regarding projects. My first one killed what you call, my *gasp* "confidence".

Face it, these days, project-wise, I do not have that anymore. The confidence, the sparkle in my eyes whenever a compiled project runs, the triumphant feeling of successfully completing a code, and the glory I feel after each work is done. Nothing. Everything I do from start to end seems to feel inadequate. The fear, the worry, the judgment, the immense amount of paranoia. To the point that I don't have the slightest sense of better judgment, the reign of the proclaimed "ST" queen was over.

I have no clue if it is with regards to the people I've worked with. Some are generally bossy. You know, the feeling of being in control is probably highly satisfying on their part. Fresh live meat ready for the taking.

I have been bossed around for quite some time. Day in, day out, side by side, commenting on how I should design things, how I should run things, and in the end, letting them take over how I work. That was a time when I was really in my utmost low. Lower than the floor, lower than hell sort of feelings that maybe, it was all too much.

To the point where I had to fight back, not in a nice sense but in my wrathful, angst-ridden demeanor that have certainly lessen the ordering around, but not my self-esteem. Which I say has already been blown quite completely.

Too late.

Nobody was at my side those times. They either picked on me or made fun of me or sided the others. And I had to do that while I was concerning myself with work and my personal life. I produced a very low-quality module that was eventually taken off the system.

Up till now, I still carry those fearful thoughts. That I will always have a label "The Girl Whose Module Got Kicked Out".

It's been 5 projects now. I had been appointed to a title called "Technical Lead". I may have added responsibilities, do a few more tasks than I'm supposed to, helped a few glitches here and there. But I don't feel successful, nor do I feel any more better than who I was when I started out working here, as "The Girl Whose Module Got Kicked Out."

Everybody who probably knows me in the office would be rolling their eyes when I say this. I'm too emotional. Or I really don't work my ass off. Or I spent most of the time feeling sorry for myself. To name a few. Some share their triumphant working-their-ass-off moments. And they reprimand me that I don't "work-my-ass-off". Because their hard work really paid of. But mine just got tossed in the trash bin with all the other rejects.

How can you even prove yourself wrong when everybody already had etched in their minds how to think of you...When they try and prove you're worthiness, but with them eagerly watching from the sidelines awaiting for your failure for them to take over. Showing you what a reject you are.

What a failure you are...

the sheer cuteness....

of people throwing their pagers off the balcony at an airport in absolutely giddy fun.

making the day both wasteful and productive

Ah, another saturday of doing nothing and everything in a short span of approximately 12 hours. like today, I managed to crawl out of bed at my own will without the usual callings of "it's already 7am" or "are you going to take us to school?" without me rolling around mumbling to myself and maybe to them "just 5 more minutes please...5 more minutes"

i managed to infuse again my photoshop knowledge during the day, web layouts, textures, backgrounds, dotted lines, layouting, coloring, tracing, layering, the natural high of artistic creation was amazing. i sorely missed it. but today was one of the first times I was immensely absorbed with photoshop without stopping midway on a layout or on a project.

it's summer. and the heat is just excruciating. i'm sweating just sitting in the living room slaving on the supposed "art".

eating the macapuno ice cream didn't really help either. i just want to dump it on my head.

*sigh* next stop...HTML and CSS yet again. w00t.

the significance of friends

nobody really knows how much i adore my friendship with people whom i refer as friends. these are the people whom i can trust, with people whom i can talk to, tell my own secrets, my own frustrations. be it online, offline, over dinner, over coffee, over cigarettes.

nobody knew about my dark past, where i was taunted with horrible names and laughed at my quirkiness. it wasn't easy for me. to stay in school was dreadful. where i count the days until it's the summer or go to sleep in tears wishing i don't have to go there to be judged harshly by self-proclaimed 'it' groups and other cliques that i had to go through my life.

now, i may have that behind me, but it doesn't mean i have forgotten. everytime i feel the hurt from people whom i call "friends" because they value me less, i feel the pain of elementary and high school all over again.

frankly, i feel that i am having the same nightmare all over again...

and...it's so funny...when the people whom you thought you can trust....not.

grubby little hands touching my ds...!@&^#(*$@!

naturally. my spoiled little sister (who is 10 going 2) forgotten all about her gameboy advance when she saw me come home with Amida.

At first, she wouldn't touch it or borrow it, now she is using her grubby, dirty hands on my poor Amida, since last night, first all she was playing was Mario Kart, now she's invading my directory and I saw her playing cooking mama.

I absolutely hate, I do mean HATE people poking around my stuff.

Hay....the misfortunes of getting new technology.

Oh, and if she touches my Pokemons...she is so dead.