So, this is it.

It has been another usual day. The usual pondering in the glaring screen. A little gelato treat to lift the spirits and to soothe the soul. the soft and powdery flavor of cappuccino and mangoes have brightened my mood on this rainy thursday. And I treated Helen to her melon gelato which have eased her stressed predicament since the whole DD phase.

When the e-mail came of his cake and gift, that's when the realization hit me, it will be his last day, and I was far away to be able to clap to the speech and make the usual dry comments that made me, me.

17:00 hours, and the speeches began. I have missed the 0.75 hours busy editing my code only to be reminded by the little boy that the speeches are over and that was that. The ultimo adios of the Super Engineer, Bomberman addict, Ned-Ad guy, Pillar of NSP, one of the greatest people in the office, and simply put, my friend.

It had the same feeling as when she left. A sick little pang in the stomach. No tears in my eyes (it's difficult for me to cry lately...), but I know I'd be missing a lot. The laughter, get-togethers and talks that may or may not be continued in the future. But I can safely say I have gathered enough memories for those two years to relive the memories over and over again.

Let go. But never forget.

To grow means to move on, and people are growing. Left and right, they have sprouted wings and have risked to take flight, away from the safe cocoon and into the vast skies.

Soon, I will be flying as well.

じゃ、また　あとで.

tired.

i am close to 2 months in cebu. frankly, you think i'm still up and at em frolicking around in the queen city of the south.

most of the time, i have to drag myself out of bed. literally. i wake up each day at around 9:30, half an hour before the uber flex-time ends. I take quick showers, pull up my day to 2 day old jeans and a shirt, my hair in a wild disarray of bangs and strands, then me and helen will set of to work either by cab or jeep then we either race to the time clock to punch in our id numbers(twice for good measure) and settle ourselves to work.

the feeling of summer vacation ended when ben went home to Manila last 27th of august.the skies were gray and the rain poured. the bed felt empty. i got sick and even if i am sporting a normal temperature, i still feel sick. my head was heavy and i keep getting headaches in the office while i work.

chucking paracetamol on a day to day basis for my headaches is startling, i don't want to end up being like House stuck on pain relievers so i tried stopping the meds. and i'm feeling a bit out of the weather and i am coming down with a cold. which i am chucking vitamin Cs (not yosi, mind you).

during work, i sit on my place at the cebu office, glancing 8 or more hours on the screen while thinking of logics and algorithms, coding at a manic pace to beat the never ending deadlines. each milestone finished was like a victory and a reminder that the more i work on this the faster i can get home.

it's been a while since i whined. i haven't whined about my work (with regards to project) since it was that dreadful 3am and I wanted to go home but got home at 6am. i was whining like a baby, and i got over it. somewhat. i didn't even bother with the business trips and AOTS anymore, some things are really not meant to be. and I know I have something more in store later on.

since i am back here in cebu, i was dreading the replay of what happened a year ago. the reworks, the revisions, and the failure of coding. my lame algorithms and my even lamer logic. the hasty, and sloppy work i did that took a toll on the start of a supposedly nice career.

i hope i'm making up for it now. i don't want to assume anything just yet. but i want to prove this one last thing, i want to make my mark before i leave. and have digitally logged created by NSP D. Lee in codes that will be floating in repositories when i'm gone. Documents that have my name on the initial drafts , to be continued or to be referenced by the new hopefuls and to all the other memories and experiences that i may have or have not shared with the people i've worked with, the little things, from my unexceptionally loud voice, to the times i was serious enough to give actual advice, to any other realization, and to the people who have humbled me and who have inspired me to do my best.

it's 12:45am.
i'm going to bed
with all these thoughts in my head.

testing

trying out my new .net

Dreams.

I was looking through my livejournal and I saw something I wrote 2.something years ago, about my dreams of finishing thesis.

here's an excerpt of what i wrote,

I would absolutely take a programming break, and a school break. I'm referring to a solid month (or 2) of just sitting and absolutely rotting myself of any information that has been making my brain a mine field of little explosions from time to time of all the non-stop pumping of unwanted and unecessary knowledge, mind you.

I'm taking about rolling along white sand beaches of Boracay, non-stop movies at Powerplant alongside tubs and tubs of butter popcorn and enormous cups of rootbeer, endless frapuccinos and coffee dates at Starbucks, bar-hopping and gorging in luscious Bailey's Irish Cream, vodka cruisers, frozen margaritas and downing shot after shot of tequilla, experiencing wonderful cold weather at Tagaytay or in Baguio, going abroad for a few weeks, overnights on 5 star hotels, soaking hours in a bathtub complete with bubbles until I'm in a prune-like state, have a foodfest at home, bake all the oatmeal cookies I want, visit more worthwhile theme parks (Hong Kong Disneyland!!!), riding excessive roller-coasters until I puke, sitting on the grass, get lovable pets!, watching the sunset at baywalk, watching the sunset, watching the sunrise, organize a reunion for s19 people, engage back addiction to Ragnarok Online, play all the games I want, and work up in a sweating frenzy from Dance Dance Revolution just to name a few...

So far, I was able to stroll in white sand beaches of Bohol, Palawan and Shangrila Mactan, Cebu. spend time watching movies in Glorietta and Greenbelt with friends minus the butter popcorn since I feel that Powerplant's buttered popcorn reigns supreme. No enormous cups of rootbeer since the counting calorie stint. Endless tall non-fat 2 equal lattes at Starbucks that has been my addiction since work and truckloads of visa receipts after the 5 planner craze. I have finally realized that clubs aren't really my thing, but I still like getting the occasional drinks for the nice, little buzz. I have been to Tagaytay with family but never with friends, and experience the absolutely wonderful cold spring of 12-16 degrees in Shanghai of 2005 and the almost same temperature in Hong Kong just this year. So that includes going abroad. And going to the worthwhile theme parks (HK Disneyland). I haven't been riding excessive roller coasters since the first try made me want to spew out nothing. I haven't been sitting on the grass much. Nor did I had time to get wonderful pets. But I did see a little kitten that caught my eye and made me fall in love. Sunrise and Sunset was experience in Cebu and Manila at various times of overtime and not so overtime. Did some reunions with s19 and ST people throughout the 2 years and tried getting back to Deliverance-Online, went back to Dota and even won the NSP Sportsfest, owned a DS Lite, got my two babies schroeder and wilson, and worked up a sweat from dance maniax.

Now, dreams have been escalating into bigger proportions, recently booked a flight to Palawan
with friends, planning another Hong Kong trip with friends yet again (hopefully in the cold weather). Want to stroll in the sakura blossoms, and experience a white christmas. Go abroad to work, have enough money for a condo, buy lots of albums, watch my cousin's band live in the US. Maybe study again. I don't know...

I just know one thing is for sure...I just want to spend more of my time doing all these with the little boy...all over again, over and over again...