Encounter with the boss

These were the few times I was able to have a chat with our Japanese Manager. This surprisingly, 40 year old man, trapped in a youthful, child-like soul. I told him, part-awe and part-teasingly how he looks around 35, or even 30, maybe because he feels young.

He shrugged his shoulders with a touch of boyish shyness and said, Maybe.

He's been all over the world. Portugal, Spain, Mexico, France, Japan, Philippines, Hawaii, Bali, and all the places he mentioned that I didn't quite comprehend. It was fascinating.

And hello? When will you even see your boss ride the waves using a short board? Totally awesome if you ask me.

I wanna be like him. By the time I reach 40 I want to have traveled some parts of the world. I guess that dream never went away. No matter how shitty or how crappy life may be. Be it if I was single or attached, to see unknown places is a part of me. An old dependable friend.

But to be able to travel, I have to be able to be free.

Hopefully I will be.

photographs and memories

I may sound like a weenie, but I missed having a digital camera. Since the Cebu trip ended I had to give the Canon Ixy 60 back. So I'm left with basically my 2mp Sony DSC-P31(?!), or the LCD-retarded Canon Powershot A95.

Obviously, I am not a professional. I am not honing for a DSLR anytime soon (but it would be cool to have one in the near future if I've grown sick of the p&s or I find it's capabilities not enough), I still have a hard time remembering what the aperture does (hihi, he'll kill me for that one), and I remember conversations over coffee and lenses that left me a bloody nose. It was fascinating and yet humbling.

I am more of an enthusiast. I love photography and I miss taking pictures of everything and anything that comes along my way. Especially now when I was armed with knowledge that I didn't know before, I felt like there was something missing.

Human subjects are a really complicated and yet fulfilling to shoot at, I remembered when we ha d a group meeting, and I was there snapping pictures using the viewfinder, everything came out crappy (lol), since the viewfinder wasn't the exact thing you would see in a lens, but each time you point the camera at them their naturalness (?) fades away and suddenly they feel being inspected and probed at.

This is why I stick to non-human subjects. Like food!

old friend.

I took off from work early to seek some green pasture. It's been a while since I've roamed in the streets of Makati and all it's petrifying, awesome glory. The tall buildings of steel and glass, the old buildings of concrete and cement, the roads lined with trees and crudely done plastic stars that was adorned from trunk to branch, the seemingly missing electrical posts smartly hidden deep below the streets. The underground passageways leading to every corner of Ayala avenue.

The supposed "mock" interview took about an hour. And it was conveniently located behind philam life.

There was this friend that I have missed during the 8 months we were apart. The last time we met was valentines day. He was off to the US and when he got back I was on my way to Cebu. It was about time I paid him a surprise visit.

I walked in the classy, sophisticated building and left my id and headed up to the 16th floor.
The guard was there and I asked if he was still there, so he called up his cubicle and asked for Jr, then he told me that I was out front.

I went in their lobby, with the sleek green seats and waited for one of my most favorite people in the world.

He got out, wearing his usual green striped polo and slacks, he looked at me and smiled a mile wide and we hugged tight laughing after being separated for 8 months, it was nice to see him again.

We talked while he and yanyan smoked, and he went to send some e-mails and we took a long walk to the mrt station.

It was 30 minutes of endless chitchat. We were squeezing all what we could in that short time until we meet again soon for another dinner session. He was mostly listening to me talk. With all my giddy laughter and my cursing. While he gave out inputs and such and shared some of his own stories.

We got to the station, shared one last hug and promised to meet for dinner soon.

moderately alive

I got back to work in Manila after a week of being sick. Hence it was another week of a "vacation" which wasn't really a vacation. a vacation means mimosas by the pool, sex on the beach at the beach and maybe good food and friends, but no, I was stuck just eating porridge painfully, bleeding sores, and sporting a lovely fever.

note the sarcasm.

What else is there? Aside from the current state of limbo with regards to the new project which will be starting November, nihongo lessons at it again. There is nothing new.

Since everything seems to know what the world is up to anyway :)

The world spins madly on...

There are times words fail me. And in those times I am in my most vulnerable or lethargic state.

I just got back from the farewell + birthday treat of my groupmates. Which was a surprise since we were supposed to be treating them.

The little gesture touched me. Deeply.

My days in cebu are numbered. and I am trying to fit in everything that I can. Today's release day, a get together dinner with friends, and maybe a little something more.

Despite the stress, the mind ache, there is a dull, almost repetitive pain in my chest. Nothing in the physical, but an emotional turmoil that I know would eat me alive in the coming days when I reach home.

I want to try and stop time, even for a single moment, just to gather all my thoughts and collect them and nurture them in the dying corners of my mind.

But to my horror and dismay, I do not have such a power. And while I weep and while each day I die a little more, the world spins madly on.

revisited : the (not-so) critical mind of yours truly

I was having fun reading my ancient blog entries and I saw my old critique for an Artificial Intelligence article from my sophomore college years.

I still couldn't believe I was able to get away with writing a report for school like this. Hehe

Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Critique for Intelligence without Reason:

For the fact I have once again procrastinated due to immense load of work, not to mention this hovering friend of mine called laziness, here I am slaving away at two in the morning typing up my critique. Which I believe I am just jotting down random blathering instead of the said critique. As this caffeine induced student of yours had just got her 4 grams of coffee kicked in her system, and is now typing up a storm of nothings.

(please ignore above paragraph, but I hope it made you smile even wanly).

Intelligence without reason which is the title of the gory twenty-two page article is indeed missing when reading the pages of the five different main points. Unless I am too sleepy to decipher it’s hidden meaning. Upon reading the last page, he [the author] even admits to the readers the title is indeed ambiguous, which means I am still alive at some point and I still understood the article while I was dozing off and kept injecting coffee to keep myself awake.

I found it very hard to jump from its different viewpoints. Maybe also the fact it was somewhat boring. The statements made might be a good read if I probably had a master’s degree specializing in Artificial Intelligence or Robotics for that matter, after all, reading those immensely deep technical jargon was too much for a sophomore student, well probably not the one’s who has a brain the size of well, let’s say Marceniño Bautista if you know what I mean. Maybe if I had a computer dictionary…

But going back to the article, I’d say it had taught me on the evolution of the constantly changing Artificial Intelligence Systems, never knowing that the only way of searching was to place the search algorithms in assembly language…ASSEMBLY! ASM, COMOLAB, registers, at present I was only doing addition and subtraction, and there they were 20 years ago implementing search trees on itty-bitty spaced memory, now we have LISP, we have PROLOG, and I’m glad. People envisioned having computers think like humans long before there were good computers that do AI for RTS games like Warcraft III (go Night elves!). Not only that, countless robots can now do your housework, and probably your homework but is banned in probably 500 states, play soccer, and can be your pet (now this rivals Richie Rich’s maid Irona). And the next thing we know, we’ll be in a star-wars era and have a C3PO friend hovering around us getting gas in their system, while we have the usual of pizzas and chicken.

But of course to live in that vision, (like the article said), we must first change the way we think of developing these systems. We are doing a good job, but it is not so good. To understand the problem we must understand ourselves first. The complexity of the human mind is still to big to break down into the parts where it will hold the key into inserting it through the locked doors of the perfect AI. So, instead of looking for the dratted key. Go search for a window. Or maybe a backdoor. Find different alternatives, and be diverse in looking for any possible solution. And maybe we can make these Intelligent systems better.

caffeine, nicotine, and a little infinity on high, under the cork tree

I am tingling in this coffee, sugar, and music rush.

Last year, it was just caffeine and nicotine, now i've added a little bit of infinity on high. and god, my soul is singing once again and my heart is speeding at this alarming, fast-paced rate. My fingers are trembling as I typed this entry. And god, it feels so good. To be abnormally, yet naturally high. I haven't felt this way in years. The open inhibitions that embraced me to be flying towards the pale blue sky.

I spent most of the lunch break today at BOs. I bought Fita crackers and A box of West Ice. I sat and ordered an Iced Cafe Latte and under the bright, beautiful sun. It was kissing me with all it's warmth and heat..

Drag after drag and Sip after sip and the beat of the drums and the strums of the guitar pierced my bewildered heart. Whom took it all in, openly and freely, until it ached from all the pleasure and pain.

I should experience this more... I swear... I never felt so completely and utterly alive. The madness fulfilled me. The tears want to fall and yet the mouth wants to escape giddy laughter.

I am a total and complete mess.

it's been a while

the last few weeks were a whirlwind. and i couldn't really think of anything to describe it but indescribable.